Oops

Some of the most memorable moments in life I gain from my son. There is joy in understanding, awe in accomplishment and magic in learning. One of my son's books is a whimsical exploration of learning how to dress oneself by Sandra Boynton called Blue Hat, Green Hat. For those of you without children, in the story the animals are learning what the items of clothing are called and where they go. The poor turkey however, can never seem to get the item in the right place. With the examples of the other animals putting the clothes on correctly, it makes my son giggle to see the turkey make mistakes. In fact, while pointing at the pictures he'll "read" the story to me. It is joyous fun for all involved. We had put the book on the bookshelf for a bit of time to read other favorites and hadn't seen the book in a while when we were getting him dressed the other morning. The shirt and pants went on correctly, but when we came to the socks, we started playing. Did the sock go on his head? No. Did it go on his lovey? No. Did it go on his knee? Nope. Did it go on his hand? He giggled. He grabbed the other sock and pulled it on the other hand. He looked up at me with the mischievous grin on his face and said quite clearly, "Oops!"

It is a wonder when kids do things on their own. I could see the complete knowledge of what he was doing and the absolute joy of understanding something in his upturned face. Moments like these are completely precious and fleeting. As a parent, I know they slip by sometimes so fast that you can hardly breathe. They are the moments you cherish. Some parents put them in memory books. Some parents tell family and friends. Some parents keep the memory in their heart and just treasure it for their own. This moment struck me. I had to take a few moments and write it down. Maybe someone else has moments like these with their children. This is what life is all about. And frankly, it should be.

A year of change

One year ago today, we learned we were pregnant. It was a very memorable occasion given all that had happened to us.

It actually wasn't the first time we discovered we were pregnant. No, I only have one child. You see, we miscarried in January 2007. We learned this at our 9 week appointment, the first doctor visit for us. We had been so excited over the holidays. We'd kept it quiet and just enjoyed the secret knowledge that we were going to have a baby. Only those that really knew us were in on it as they noticed the change in my habits. The night before our 9 week appointment, I felt a huge flutter. Not knowing anything, I was so excited. The baby moved! All that excitement came to a crashing end the next morning when there was no heartbeat during the first ultrasound. After much reflection and discussion with our fabulous doctor over the next couple weeks, we determined that I had felt the seizure that lead to the baby's death that fateful night. There was no necrosis of the fetus on that first ultrasound. The baby looked perfect, just no movement and no heartbeat. We learned what necrosis meant over the next couple weeks as my body didn't reset still thinking I was pregnant. It is heartbreaking to see what at first had been a perfect fetus slowly wither away. The news was devastating and even worse was the waiting. We knew the baby was gone but we still hadn't actually miscarried yet. It took weeks and 2 D&Cs to actually get everything back to normal. In the meantime, I mourned.

Those closest to me realized I was desperately fighting a losing battle with a major depressive episode. My mother, her friend and my husband conspired together and decided I needed a change of scenery. It was off to the big island of Hawai'i for us and 2 blissful weeks of not thinking about anything but our whims and wishes. We went hiking, geocaching, snorkeling, scuba diving and ate wonderful fresh seafood. Somewhere in the middle of the trip I began to feel a bit funny but I waved it off. After all, we were in paradise! The night we were scheduled to fly home, I ordered a sumptuous lobster meal that I don't normally get and practically turned green when the plate hit the table. I couldn't eat it. My husband and I winked at each other simultaneously as he took care of my dinner as well. Thoughts were racing . . . were we pregnant again?

After an all night flight home, we didn't hesitate in heading for the store and a home pregnancy kit. Yep, that was one year ago today. A lot has happened since then: pregnancy complications in the form of gestational diabetes, birth and the subsequent wonderful months of raising our son.

What a wonderful year it has been.

4 Months and counting

Yesterday my son was 4 calendar months old. Time really does fly when you have a little one. And one day you look and the little one isn't all that little any more. I'm not saying this is a bad thing. The alternative is much worse. However, my little guy is growing. So it's time to reflect on just how precious every moment is. And secondly, it's time to make an appointment with a photographer who can immortalize these days forever with a much better artistry than I can.

I am off to contemplate how lucky I am for these last 4 months.

Fieldtrips

My hubby and I have a pretty unique situation when it comes to the daily care of our son: both of us work out of the house. I've said to many a friend and colleague that I wouldn't have borne a child if I couldn't spend time raising said child. That is still true. However on days like today, I cannot help but feel like I've missed something.

Today was one of the days that Hubby had primary care duties. He still had a client he had to visit. But this client was friendly to bringing the little Frog Prince along for the appointment. Apparently the Frog Prince was the hit of the day. This in itself is not surprising. (No, I'm not at all biased.)

What is surprising is that I now feel like I've missed something important. Not that anything unique happened today while the two of them were out on their adventure. I strongly feel that a first visit to the hardware store is truly a male-bonding experience. I guess I just cannot adequately express how much I missed them both today.

At least tomorrow's fieldtrip includes me. That is something to look forward to.