The other side of the coin

What, pray tell, is the wife of My own Personal Stalker thinking? I mean after all, her husband is the one who's been asking various family members and friends about me for years. Heck, even she has told my mother that her husband would love to talk to me. I still think that clueless is a good word for "I've lived here for 2.5 years and haven't called" but then what do I know?

I've come up with a couple theories that fit what PS's wife might be thinking: nothing at all, he just wants to talk to her, or complete trust.

Absolutely nothing or complete naivety is rather disconcerting at best. How can you not think anything when your husband keeps bringing up a woman he wants to talk to? Especially one he dated years before and once asked to marry him? Granted, it was a lame reason to get married, but still. I'm not sure I could buy this one as I've talked to her. She doesn't strike me as being this stupid or blasé.

Moving on to he just wants to talk to her . . . ok, fine. He's talking and bringing this up in casual conversation over a couple years. After the fifth or sixth time it was brought up, I'd be kind of suspicious. What on earth could be so important or special about this girl, (except for the fact that you're remembering her through rose colored glasses) that you'd rather talk to her than your spouse? Yeah, the one who DID marry you? And trust me—I wasn't all that nice to this guy in the first place. One of the reasons I knew I had to get away from him and all the negative influences in my life is I hated, yes hated, who I was when I was around him. His humor always hit me wrong. And it made me mad and sarcastic. Not such a nice girl after all.

So that leaves me with complete trust. She knows absolutely and truly in her heart that she has nothing to fear from me. I can tell her now, that she's right if this is the case. Whatever the reason she came to this conclusion, if she did, I can affirm that nothing will ever come of anything, period—end of story. Maybe she is smarter than I gave her credit for realizing that we've lived here for 2+ years and never once have I looked them up. It would have been simple: she's in a social group with my mother. Their phone number is in the member book. Needless to say, I never even looked at it. I can tell you that hearing about her and them from my mother was too much information sometimes. She means well, but . . . not in this lifetime.

Just wondering what PS's wife is thinking is making my head spin.

My own personal Stalker

Do you ever have one of those days where something takes you so completely off guard that you don't quite know how to respond? I usually come up with a good response a day or two later, but sometimes a good one never comes.

I went out to get the mail on Saturday. Something I do fairly regularly, but as the mailbox is not all that far from the door, the likelihood that someone "walking by" might catch me at that given moment is truly minimal. I don't spend a lot of time hanging around outside in my front yard, that is what the deck is for—out back.

So it's the first nice day in forever. Family is scheduled to appear that night for an overdue visit. Hubby says, "Will you go pick up the mail?" Sure, no problem. I don't keep track of "old friends" well. There are 2 good friends, or used to be, I'd like to find again as I regret not keeping them closer. I don't make all that many friends, especially women friends. But this one person who knew me in high school has made it his personal mission in life to track me down. My stalker is non-violent, thank gawd. But I'm not really sure why he's so keen to start hanging out with me again.

In HS I was not a very outgoing person. In fact, given the mental state I was in compounded by being a teenager, I'd say psychotic was probably putting it mildly. Come on . . . I chose which college to attend based on the fact that no one who KNEW ME went there. I didn't like who I was. I didn't like where I was going. And I did everything I could to change the direction of my life.

There I am, standing at the end of the driveway with my head in the mailbox. This unmistakable voice comes flinging across the street, "Some people never write, they never call . . . " And this is supposed to be funny? Didn't the fact that I moved here 2.5 years ago and haven't once looked you up mean anything? He found us based on the county tax records. Great. Wonderful. What good is an unlisted phone number if a stalker knows where you live??

Hubby was terribly nice about having his day completely interrupted. We still were cleaning up the house, the baby needed a bath and he hadn't hit the showers yet. I just wanted them out of there as fast as humanly possible.

I haven't yet come to terms with the fact that now he does have our phone number. I'm not sure what I'll do when he does call.

I can tell you this. After years—more than half my life—reinventing myself, I found that I was reacting and feeling much like I did when I was first leaving for college. Back then, I knew there was an end in sight. I got through it mostly sane. This time, I'm not so sure. The problem is that he expects me to be the same person now that I was then. Because as far as I can tell, even though it's more than 20 years later, we're both married to other people and have kids, he hasn't changed much at all.

People grow and change, or at least I may have deluded myself into thinking so. It's kind of sad and pathetic in a way. In another way, it's just terribly disconcerting. I will have to deal with it someday . . . right now I'm just creeped out.