A year of change

One year ago today, we learned we were pregnant. It was a very memorable occasion given all that had happened to us.

It actually wasn't the first time we discovered we were pregnant. No, I only have one child. You see, we miscarried in January 2007. We learned this at our 9 week appointment, the first doctor visit for us. We had been so excited over the holidays. We'd kept it quiet and just enjoyed the secret knowledge that we were going to have a baby. Only those that really knew us were in on it as they noticed the change in my habits. The night before our 9 week appointment, I felt a huge flutter. Not knowing anything, I was so excited. The baby moved! All that excitement came to a crashing end the next morning when there was no heartbeat during the first ultrasound. After much reflection and discussion with our fabulous doctor over the next couple weeks, we determined that I had felt the seizure that lead to the baby's death that fateful night. There was no necrosis of the fetus on that first ultrasound. The baby looked perfect, just no movement and no heartbeat. We learned what necrosis meant over the next couple weeks as my body didn't reset still thinking I was pregnant. It is heartbreaking to see what at first had been a perfect fetus slowly wither away. The news was devastating and even worse was the waiting. We knew the baby was gone but we still hadn't actually miscarried yet. It took weeks and 2 D&Cs to actually get everything back to normal. In the meantime, I mourned.

Those closest to me realized I was desperately fighting a losing battle with a major depressive episode. My mother, her friend and my husband conspired together and decided I needed a change of scenery. It was off to the big island of Hawai'i for us and 2 blissful weeks of not thinking about anything but our whims and wishes. We went hiking, geocaching, snorkeling, scuba diving and ate wonderful fresh seafood. Somewhere in the middle of the trip I began to feel a bit funny but I waved it off. After all, we were in paradise! The night we were scheduled to fly home, I ordered a sumptuous lobster meal that I don't normally get and practically turned green when the plate hit the table. I couldn't eat it. My husband and I winked at each other simultaneously as he took care of my dinner as well. Thoughts were racing . . . were we pregnant again?

After an all night flight home, we didn't hesitate in heading for the store and a home pregnancy kit. Yep, that was one year ago today. A lot has happened since then: pregnancy complications in the form of gestational diabetes, birth and the subsequent wonderful months of raising our son.

What a wonderful year it has been.

Why Turtles?

Everyone knows that turtles are slow. They take their time. They'll get there . . . eventually. So what is a Turtle Traipse? It's a turtle walk. One dictionary I looked in defined the verb without an object as: to walk or go aimlessly or idly or without finding or reaching one's goal. Since we haven't defined an object or goal (in life, blogging or anything else), I thought it somewhat appropriate to the randomness of a blog. Especially one put together by me.

Turtles are supposed to be good luck. I actually fell in love with them in the recent years that I've taken up Scuba diving with my best friend, partner, lover and husband. (I'm the luckiest woman in the world, but that is a topic for another time.) We took it up on a whim when we were in the Caribbean for our honeymoon just over 8 years ago. There was a "resort" course that did absolutely nothing to prepare you for diving except determine that you wouldn't freak out breathing underwater for the first time. After the first dive we were hooked. Granted, we're duly trained and certified by the professionals now . . . we're not completely insane (most of the time.) But on that first dive I was trying to figure out this thing called neutral buoyancy to keep my fins and flesh off this thing they have underwater called coral. I happened to be floating near the sandy bottom at an incredible depth of about 30 feet and I looked off in to the distance hoping my internal level would start to indicate that I was getting the hang of this . . . and I saw one. A green sea turtle off in the distance.

Now this was before I actually started a dive log (goes with formal training) and recorded all of this for prosperity. I didn't even tell my new husband about the absolute sense of wonder and awe that I felt. This creature was graceful, elegant, gorgeous and just making it's way along the seabed in a direction opposite the invaders kicking up sediments and making a general nuisance of themselves. Sure when we got back on the dive boat, someone said, "Did you see the turtle?" I nodded, but didn't go into how absolutely cool it was. I couldn't. It's like discovering the perfect chocolate for the very first time. You can't really explain it, but when it happens you know it.

This last spring we were again in a position to do some diving out off the big island of Hawai'i. On the first dive boat out of the harbor there was another sea turtle heading out of the marina to the big blue. I was in awe. But you really haven't seen turtles until you've seen them as they are supposed to be seen . . . underwater. I saw several turtles that trip, both from dry land and from the watery deep. The only way for a turtle to make progress is to stick its head out of the shell and start looking around.

So here's to exploring . . .
Cheers.